tired but it's worth it.

okay so tonight it's going to most likely a short blog entry. I am going to be doing these on the weekdays only, my weekends are kind of hectic. But good news, It's happening. I have started writing my #DoNothing book. it's coming together quite nicely and I think it's going to be big. Also some more things going on since friday All4Him Design (my design company) has a band client. pretty intense i know. it's awesome. but it's still All 4 Him. I am working on designing a logo for them and then it's going to move into marketing but that's cool too. ok i know this is super short but today has been an early long day and tomorrow is going to be one too. but it's okay, me staying busy is keeping me from overthinking my life and that's a good thing. I just need to stay out of God's way right now and let Him do His work on me to prepare me to what He has in store for me. I know it's something big I just don't know what it is.

Single Lifestyle Motto

Okay so now that I've kind of alluded to this multiple times in two days I'm going to go into this and explain it and how I came up with it and how it works.

The Motto is "Do Nothing" 

Seems simple right? If you think yes you're wrong. Doing nothing is actually very hard and requires constant thought and restraint. The 'Do Nothing' concept came up where all good ideas come from, Waffle House around 3 am. My best friend had been married and had gotten a divorce and was being pursued by multiple girls and He was working on his relationship with God and really didn't need the distractions involved with a girl, so he asked me what he should 'do'. I thought about it for a few minutes as some songs passed on the jukebox and finally I said 'I've got it' he asked what and I told him "Do Nothing" then he went on to ask me what I meant by that and I said "do nothing. absolutely nothing. don't act on anything. just let things go how they are going to go naturally and don't do anything." It took a while but eventually it started working.  He is now in a relationship with a great girl. 

Okay so how it works there are a few guidelines to the "Do Nothing" method. 

Guideline 1: Must Be A Relationship

This is simple, it has to be a relationship for you to 'Do Nothing' with.

Guideline 2: Must Be Fully Committed

You can't be wishy washy with this method or it won't work. You can't be pushing the relationship and drop off the next day. That's playing with emotions and that ain't cool.

Guideline 3: Keep Focused On God

The whole point of the 'Do Nothing' method is to work on your relationship with God and let everything else fall into place "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you." ~Matthew 6.33 

Guideline 4: Cut Off Point

There is a point in time where the 'Do Nothing' method will stop working. At that point a decision will have to be made but if you have done everything right it won't be much of a decision to make, you will know for sure one way or the other what to do. So doing nothing will, in the end, help you decide what to do. 

This is the 'Do Nothing' method. So far it is flawless because it keeps you out of it and puts everything in God's hands like it is supposed to be anyway. He is the one in control and we should want His will over our will anyway. I am not going to lie and say that the 'Do Nothing' method is easy because it isn't. It is anything but easy. It is one of the hardest things I've come up with, but it works. Let me know if you plan on trying the  'Do Nothing' Method and tweet me @t_to_tha_j #DoNothing

5 Regrets

Okay so first off I really am going to be talking about 5 regrets I have so if you don't want to read them or don't want to read somethings that are extremely personal to me please click away now.

People keep telling me that I shouldn't regret anything because everything happens for a reason and I agree everything does happen for a reason but regret is a part of life, it's almost impossible to not regret anything. and so yeah i'm not sure if I'll make it to 5 and I'm not so sure I'll be able to stop at 5. We'll see though. Also these are in no particular order just as they come to mind.

Regret #1 Pushing People Away.
I have a huge tendency to push people who care about me or get too close to me away. I shut down, I've always been like this and I don't know how to stop it or even if I can. I regret this cause I know that i could be happy right now but I'm not... I'm miserable and yeah I know in my heart that everything will be fine eventually but that doesn't really help anything right now.

Regret #2 Not Applying Myself
This has plagued me since elementary school. I've always hated school just because I didn't want to be there or do it. The further into school the more I liked it but it wasn't for learning it was because of the people I wanted to be around were there. I got kicked out of NGU because of it among other things and who knows what would have happened had I stayed there and finished. I regret this because of the what could have been's.

Regret #3 1.19.13
That whole day was a huge mistake. I should have stayed home from work and slept cause I knew I was super stressed out and didn't feel good. I should have stayed asleep all day and all night. But I didn't and trust me I regret that. That day just added so much more stress to my life and threw my emotions for a loop for a month. I regret this because I wish so much that I could take back every word I said that day.

Regret #4 Putting Myself Down Constantly
This is another thing I've been dealing with since I was little. I've always convinced myself that I'll never be good enough to be happy and if I am happy I don't deserve to be so I will do something to ruin that so I'll be miserable again. I can't just be happy. I also keep reminding myself of my past and everything I've done to constantly remind myself that I'll never be good enough. I regret this because everything that I've done has been forgiven and I just need to forgive myself.

Regret #5 Ever Not Putting God First
I get in these places where I feel like I've got my life and I can get through it without Him and I can't. I am such a broken person I can't get anywhere without Him and I can't do anything without Him. He is truly my rock and I can't do anything without my God. I regret this because this is exactly what I teach our youth to not do and to always put God first no matter what, in the good and bad and I feel like such a hypocrite because I have lost sight of this in my past numerous times.

I'm sorry if these things effected your opinion of me but honestly it doesn't matter. These are things from my past and present that I regret. I can't get away from my regrets, but I am trying to put them behind me and move on. I don't want to live in the past but that's the thing about being broken, it puts your focus on everything that has happened up to that point and makes you question every choice you made that lead to you becoming broken.

-T

Tomorrow's post is going to be on defining my 'Lifestyle Motto'

Long Time and A Lot Has Changed.

Hey guys, sorry for being away for so long. Honestly other social media took priority. Facebook and now Twitter take up a lot of my time. So yeah guys I am thinking about starting back on here and keeping everyone in the loop on my life, but to do so I'm going to have to cover a lot of ground. since it's been (based on google calculate's calculations)  2 years 3 months and 2 Days since I posted on here last. That's 825 Days. okay so yeah catching up. A lot has changed in my life in the past 2 years and such. first things first I'm no longer at NGU, I was asked to leave for a few undisclosed reasons that I'm not going to get into because it makes me flustered and it's just not worth it. I have wheels now, I drive a 2008 Mini Cooper (love my dream car. don't care if you think it's girly. I get 61.5 miles to the gallon so uh). I noticed reading through the posts I had posted before I stopped talking on here my papa was in the hospital last I said. well he got better for a little while, got released from the hospital got put into a nursing home and passed away while i was at school with no way to go see him. I still remember that moment vividly. I was sitting in the caf at NGU eating lunch with Melody and my phone started ringing and it was my momma, I answered and she was crying and I asked her what was wrong and she said that papa had passed away. I dropped my phone and just bawled. My papa was one of the greatest influences on the man I am today, if it weren't for him there is no telling where I would be. I got engaged. we were engaged on May 15, 2011 at my church. I got a job at Huntin' Camp BBQ last january. and that is pretty much everything up until this year. this year has been one trial after another. On the 10th of January Melody and I broke up after 4 years together and almost 2 years of being engaged. It wasn't a big blow up fight we just started wanting different things in life, and we decided it would be best if we weren't together anymore. that was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Friday I found out that my biological dad passed away last wednesday. I never thought that would effect me the way it did. I had the chance to go see him and tell him everything i always told me i would tell him when i got to see him and tell him how bad he messed me up and how i prayed to God i never turned out to be like him and show him how good i turned out even with him not being in my life. but i couldn't even forgive him enough to bring myself to go tell him that. I wanted to forgive him for all the hell he put me through and how i'll never know what a father's love is supposed to feel and how a real relationship between a man and a woman is supposed to be and how a dad is supposed to be there for his kids cause he never taught me that either. The only thing he taught me is how i don't want to end up. i harbored so much hatred towards him for 18 years and now i won't ever have the chance to see him face to face and tell him that i forgave him for walking out of my life when i was young. All of this has happened since i've been gone. but one thing that hasn't changed only grown is my relationship with God. I have been getting closer to God these two years. God has taught me to stand up for Him and He will stand up for me. To fight for what is right and what is true. to stop living for me and start living for Him. and through all of this that has happened to me I've learnt to trust in Him and I won't ever be disappointed. I may not always like where I am at the time but He is in control and in the end He is the one with the perfect plan and my plans just don't even compare to what He has in store for me. These lessons haven't been easy to learn, I have spent many nights beating my head against a wall trying to get my way and every now and then God let me have my way to show me how stupid my way was. My way got me hurt, quite frequently actually. but everything i've been through has put me where I am now and made me into the person I am. I feel like I'm a better person for going through all of it. 

Honestly I thought about starting this back a while back to just kind of give updates but just never did, and now that i'm going to be starting back up i read through the posts and debated taking down posts or just starting a fresh blog but this is me. the posts from earlier are me too. just me at a different point in my life, everything on this blog has contributed to who I am and some of the posts are vital points in my life and I don't want to lose sight of the things i went through.

The name of the blog is new and the description is really perfect for a blog from me right now cause it will be late night musings or just babbling. it's 12:18am right now and i know that's not really late but considering i worked a double shift today and have to work again in the morning i probably should get to bed. but i did want to let you guys know what's been going on in my life this whole time i've been gone and let you all know i'm coming back, mainly just cause i have a lot that i don't need to hold in and need to get out and off my chest and i'm not so sure they will be under 160 characters long. so that rules out twitter and i don't really post very personal stuff on facebook. so here you have it. mainly cause i don't know who if anybody is reading my blog and that's how it should be. 

okay guys i'm done for tonight.

love y'all

T

oh yeah i almost forgot....

hey guys i know its been a while... work has pretty much put a gun to my lifes head and blown its awesome brains out.... because outside of work i have no life now apparnently.. so yeah my birthday is sunday two days away... im so excited... well other than the getting old part. i'll be the big 21 .... yeah thats supposed to be this huge milestone and you are supposed to celebrate it like its going out of style cause you can drink alcohol legally... but that doesn't really apply to me since im not going to drink. like ever. even at my wedding .... there will be no alcohol. at all. none. not a single drop. if you cant stay sober for all of half a day then i probably don't want or need you there anyway. but back to what i was saying and why i was saying it, im not going to be drinking. because my sperm donor (wasn't around long enough to be called a dad) was an alcoholic and i saw how he treated my mom and how it affected her and now me, i have a really short fuse and a quick temper because thats the atmosphere i grew up in. thats all i know it isn't all my fault. but i dont want to be like him. i dont ever want to make someone feel like they are less than human. so to help myself from resorting back to that im not going to drink. not for any reason. not for special occasions. or celebrations. not even for my own wedding. I REFUSE TO BACK DOWN! this will not ruin my life the way it did my parents' it can't happen. i cant let it. and i wont let it. this is my position. and i won't give up.

Time for an Update

yeah guys sorry its been over a month since my last post.. i've been doing things.. like getting pieces of my life pieced back together.. things fell apart unexpectedly after the summer but they are falling back to the way they are supposed to be.. but to keep my mind off of that.. and keeping me busy not is my new employment at Bojangles (bo*han*gel*ees) today was my first day and i love it.. it was really dead today but it is great.. the people i work with make it a quite enjoyable experience.. also sliding across the wet floor is pretty interesting also.. but it is a nice change from my 60+ hour weeks down at the beach.. i get more rest and get to do some things i want to do.. like go to a football game =]].. but i dont get to do some things i really like and really want to do like talk to my girlfriend.. but it'll be ok.. cause she is the best girlfriend anyone could ever dream of asking for.. she understands its only temporary and we will still talk and get to see each other every now and then.. whenever we can.. we both are gonna hate this but it is a job and it is for the best and it will all work out in the end.. so yeah it's 2:16 in the morning.. i just thought i should let you guys know that.. ok so i guess that's it for now.. thanks you guys for reading and keeping up with what's going on in my life..

ok so sneek peek/spoiler alert.. i plan on starting up a second YouTube channel for what i hope are daily/live life stream vlogs but to do this i need you're help.. if you guys/girls could go to my YouTube channel and leave me some comments telling me what you would like me to talk about in my vlogs it would really help me narrow down what to say.. and until i figure out how to do the editing it will make my videos more point oriented instead of me rambling.. im not asking for you to subscribe and like all of my videos.. if you want to that's great.. if not i understand and that's ok too..

well guys until next time,
much love
t totha j

YouTube Link: http://www.youtube.com/user/ngutj

Beach Burn

My one day off at the waterpark i took and went to the waterpark and while i was in the wave pool trying to learn how to swim i got massivly sunburnt. like really really bad. so im glad today is my last day working till friday. two days off back to back will be good. gotta get ready for work