oh yeah i almost forgot....

hey guys i know its been a while... work has pretty much put a gun to my lifes head and blown its awesome brains out.... because outside of work i have no life now apparnently.. so yeah my birthday is sunday two days away... im so excited... well other than the getting old part. i'll be the big 21 .... yeah thats supposed to be this huge milestone and you are supposed to celebrate it like its going out of style cause you can drink alcohol legally... but that doesn't really apply to me since im not going to drink. like ever. even at my wedding .... there will be no alcohol. at all. none. not a single drop. if you cant stay sober for all of half a day then i probably don't want or need you there anyway. but back to what i was saying and why i was saying it, im not going to be drinking. because my sperm donor (wasn't around long enough to be called a dad) was an alcoholic and i saw how he treated my mom and how it affected her and now me, i have a really short fuse and a quick temper because thats the atmosphere i grew up in. thats all i know it isn't all my fault. but i dont want to be like him. i dont ever want to make someone feel like they are less than human. so to help myself from resorting back to that im not going to drink. not for any reason. not for special occasions. or celebrations. not even for my own wedding. I REFUSE TO BACK DOWN! this will not ruin my life the way it did my parents' it can't happen. i cant let it. and i wont let it. this is my position. and i won't give up.