Long Time and A Lot Has Changed.

Hey guys, sorry for being away for so long. Honestly other social media took priority. Facebook and now Twitter take up a lot of my time. So yeah guys I am thinking about starting back on here and keeping everyone in the loop on my life, but to do so I'm going to have to cover a lot of ground. since it's been (based on google calculate's calculations)  2 years 3 months and 2 Days since I posted on here last. That's 825 Days. okay so yeah catching up. A lot has changed in my life in the past 2 years and such. first things first I'm no longer at NGU, I was asked to leave for a few undisclosed reasons that I'm not going to get into because it makes me flustered and it's just not worth it. I have wheels now, I drive a 2008 Mini Cooper (love my dream car. don't care if you think it's girly. I get 61.5 miles to the gallon so uh). I noticed reading through the posts I had posted before I stopped talking on here my papa was in the hospital last I said. well he got better for a little while, got released from the hospital got put into a nursing home and passed away while i was at school with no way to go see him. I still remember that moment vividly. I was sitting in the caf at NGU eating lunch with Melody and my phone started ringing and it was my momma, I answered and she was crying and I asked her what was wrong and she said that papa had passed away. I dropped my phone and just bawled. My papa was one of the greatest influences on the man I am today, if it weren't for him there is no telling where I would be. I got engaged. we were engaged on May 15, 2011 at my church. I got a job at Huntin' Camp BBQ last january. and that is pretty much everything up until this year. this year has been one trial after another. On the 10th of January Melody and I broke up after 4 years together and almost 2 years of being engaged. It wasn't a big blow up fight we just started wanting different things in life, and we decided it would be best if we weren't together anymore. that was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Friday I found out that my biological dad passed away last wednesday. I never thought that would effect me the way it did. I had the chance to go see him and tell him everything i always told me i would tell him when i got to see him and tell him how bad he messed me up and how i prayed to God i never turned out to be like him and show him how good i turned out even with him not being in my life. but i couldn't even forgive him enough to bring myself to go tell him that. I wanted to forgive him for all the hell he put me through and how i'll never know what a father's love is supposed to feel and how a real relationship between a man and a woman is supposed to be and how a dad is supposed to be there for his kids cause he never taught me that either. The only thing he taught me is how i don't want to end up. i harbored so much hatred towards him for 18 years and now i won't ever have the chance to see him face to face and tell him that i forgave him for walking out of my life when i was young. All of this has happened since i've been gone. but one thing that hasn't changed only grown is my relationship with God. I have been getting closer to God these two years. God has taught me to stand up for Him and He will stand up for me. To fight for what is right and what is true. to stop living for me and start living for Him. and through all of this that has happened to me I've learnt to trust in Him and I won't ever be disappointed. I may not always like where I am at the time but He is in control and in the end He is the one with the perfect plan and my plans just don't even compare to what He has in store for me. These lessons haven't been easy to learn, I have spent many nights beating my head against a wall trying to get my way and every now and then God let me have my way to show me how stupid my way was. My way got me hurt, quite frequently actually. but everything i've been through has put me where I am now and made me into the person I am. I feel like I'm a better person for going through all of it. 

Honestly I thought about starting this back a while back to just kind of give updates but just never did, and now that i'm going to be starting back up i read through the posts and debated taking down posts or just starting a fresh blog but this is me. the posts from earlier are me too. just me at a different point in my life, everything on this blog has contributed to who I am and some of the posts are vital points in my life and I don't want to lose sight of the things i went through.

The name of the blog is new and the description is really perfect for a blog from me right now cause it will be late night musings or just babbling. it's 12:18am right now and i know that's not really late but considering i worked a double shift today and have to work again in the morning i probably should get to bed. but i did want to let you guys know what's been going on in my life this whole time i've been gone and let you all know i'm coming back, mainly just cause i have a lot that i don't need to hold in and need to get out and off my chest and i'm not so sure they will be under 160 characters long. so that rules out twitter and i don't really post very personal stuff on facebook. so here you have it. mainly cause i don't know who if anybody is reading my blog and that's how it should be. 

okay guys i'm done for tonight.

love y'all

T