5 Regrets

Okay so first off I really am going to be talking about 5 regrets I have so if you don't want to read them or don't want to read somethings that are extremely personal to me please click away now.

People keep telling me that I shouldn't regret anything because everything happens for a reason and I agree everything does happen for a reason but regret is a part of life, it's almost impossible to not regret anything. and so yeah i'm not sure if I'll make it to 5 and I'm not so sure I'll be able to stop at 5. We'll see though. Also these are in no particular order just as they come to mind.

Regret #1 Pushing People Away.
I have a huge tendency to push people who care about me or get too close to me away. I shut down, I've always been like this and I don't know how to stop it or even if I can. I regret this cause I know that i could be happy right now but I'm not... I'm miserable and yeah I know in my heart that everything will be fine eventually but that doesn't really help anything right now.

Regret #2 Not Applying Myself
This has plagued me since elementary school. I've always hated school just because I didn't want to be there or do it. The further into school the more I liked it but it wasn't for learning it was because of the people I wanted to be around were there. I got kicked out of NGU because of it among other things and who knows what would have happened had I stayed there and finished. I regret this because of the what could have been's.

Regret #3 1.19.13
That whole day was a huge mistake. I should have stayed home from work and slept cause I knew I was super stressed out and didn't feel good. I should have stayed asleep all day and all night. But I didn't and trust me I regret that. That day just added so much more stress to my life and threw my emotions for a loop for a month. I regret this because I wish so much that I could take back every word I said that day.

Regret #4 Putting Myself Down Constantly
This is another thing I've been dealing with since I was little. I've always convinced myself that I'll never be good enough to be happy and if I am happy I don't deserve to be so I will do something to ruin that so I'll be miserable again. I can't just be happy. I also keep reminding myself of my past and everything I've done to constantly remind myself that I'll never be good enough. I regret this because everything that I've done has been forgiven and I just need to forgive myself.

Regret #5 Ever Not Putting God First
I get in these places where I feel like I've got my life and I can get through it without Him and I can't. I am such a broken person I can't get anywhere without Him and I can't do anything without Him. He is truly my rock and I can't do anything without my God. I regret this because this is exactly what I teach our youth to not do and to always put God first no matter what, in the good and bad and I feel like such a hypocrite because I have lost sight of this in my past numerous times.

I'm sorry if these things effected your opinion of me but honestly it doesn't matter. These are things from my past and present that I regret. I can't get away from my regrets, but I am trying to put them behind me and move on. I don't want to live in the past but that's the thing about being broken, it puts your focus on everything that has happened up to that point and makes you question every choice you made that lead to you becoming broken.

-T

Tomorrow's post is going to be on defining my 'Lifestyle Motto'